I can't believe it. My Lizzie is gone for a full day now. It's hard for me to grasp this concept still, as it is the first day. Honestly, I thought I would be that mom that just dropped her off and went on with my day like no big deal, but turns out, it was a BIG FREAKIN DEAL!! And it wasn't until my day turned into CrAzy, PSychOtic, ChAOs that I realized just how big a deal it was.
It didn't help that I was sick the few days prior and didn't get the clothes organized, house cleaned and supplies bought for school yet. I was unprepared in the BIGGEST sense of the word. I had fully intended to keep Lizzie home the first day of school because she had thrown up only the night before and I hadn't thought she'd be ready to go. I also SECRETLY think I wanted to keep her home because I wasn't ready for her to go.
But she woke up, early even, and was more than excited to go back to school. I couldn't resist the excited begging anymore and her insistent, " Mom, I'm okay... I feel fine... I want to go to school!" I had hoped she would want to stay home but I was also happy that she was happy to get back to school. She was a little nervous not knowing where her classroom was but once I showed her and we found her desk she was just fine and her quirky, silly self. I couldn't take more than tiny little baby steps the whole way out of the classroom and my eyes never left her as I watched for even a minute longer after stepping out of the door. I think I was hoping to see her talking with her desk-mates and smiling all the while, but when is it ever like that for a kids first day of school? Of course, she was nervous. But this obvious fact known to me, made me even more nervous for her. I honestly don't think I have anything to be nervous about with Lizzie. She is fun loving and one of the most sweetest, like-able little girls there is, but I couldn't help it. It was the mommy in me.
I teared up on the way home as I had done her first day of Kindergarten. I assumed that would be all just like it was then but I admit there was more than one occurrence where I found myself in tears randomly, during the day. I missed my Lizzie but I think Lincoln missed her more. He was going crazy with boredom and insisted on picking on his baby sister constantly except for the time he spent attached to my hip, getting under my feet or using me as his own personal jungle gym. I refer to myself as his "personal jungle gym" quite often because that is literally how it makes me feel and now I can feel sympathy towards an inanimate object, which is just a bit on the cooky side I think. I spent all morning with Lincoln playing Legos but it wasn't enough and when I was trying to take care of a sick, teething Penny, he didn't like that my full attention was no longer on him and he made that known.
Just imagine for a minute, or don't...whatever you will. I had pulled out about five totes of clothes to search through or organize and piles and piles of clothes covered my living room floor. I had a mountain of blankets and laundry that still needed washing after the weekend of sick kids and me. And although, I had the worst of the pukey stuff cleaned, my OCD was thinking it was best to clean everything that was touched in the process of this Flu that passed through our home, which meant there was still that remaining mountain of laundry. I literally stood in the one clear inch of my living room and looked around at the chaos and then added the two crying children climbing up my leg and suddenly felt claustrophobic. I wanted to run away...far, far away. I could go on with this scenario but I won't. It's far too exhausting even when I'm not living it.
Thankfully, I came to my senses at some point and a sweet text from my mom helped me to relax and gain a new perspective. My mom is the lunch lady at the school and got to see Lizzie. She said, she looked darling with her hair curled and done up and talking with the kids. It is such a blessing to have my mom working there and that simple text was just what I needed.
My day turned around from that point on and just moments later when Lincoln had me laughing about something he was doing and Penny was taking her nap, I was able to look back at how crazy I was acting all morning and laugh about all of it. It definitely made me realize just how big a deal it was for Lizzie's first day and even more so, I realize all the adjusting we will be doing along with this. Lincoln knew that Lizzie would be off at 3:30 and so he constantly ran back and forth from the clock in the bedroom to the living room where I was because he wanted to check for a three or a zero. It was darling how much he missed her.
Need I say, that picking up Lizzie from school was our most favorite part of the day!
I'm hoping you all had better first days of school and I'm actually looking forward to taking her back because she said she had so much fun! I'm so glad she did and I know that it may take us some time to adjust but we'll be just fine soon enough and I enjoy the one on one time I get with Lincoln.
Slade Eric Roberts
1 month ago