This pregnancy has gone much
different from my previous ones which only made it more difficult in knowing
what to expect. I had days with lots of contractions but no results. I had
contractions on and off throughout the day and some rough ones started just as
I got the kids in bed Sunday night. I was lying in bed and literally had to
pull myself up out of bed to work through them. I looked at the clock and the
next contraction came ten minutes later. Pulling myself out of bed again the
second time, I thought to myself, “There’s no way I’m going to get some sleep
in between these.” I lay back down and
ten minutes later, another one hit.
Lincoln knocked on my door and came in; He climbed into bed with me and
said “Up here with you?” (as he does when he’s asking if he can cuddle with
me). Of course, I couldn’t resist and lay
back down with him. He was snoring seconds later and after twelve minutes this
time, I had another contraction.
Pulling myself out of bed and
this time, down on my knees, I began to pray and before I knew what I was
saying, I spoke the words, “I’m ready”.
I knew in that moment that I was ready, and I felt confirmation from my
Heavenly Father that I was ready. I had been carrying this sweet baby. I had
felt a connection from the very start, along with the answer that it wasn’t
going to be easy but it would be worth it.
Rick was still out in the
living room. He had been watching some television with his mom and dad. The
next contraction drove me out of the room to be with him at midnight. They were
two to three minutes apart then. I sat down and started to put make-up on. Don’t ask me why- I guess I thought it would
be a good distraction. Within the next hour, the intensity of the contractions
had increased and I wanted my mom. Rick suggested giving everyone a bit longer
to sleep, so I waited.
Rick was keeping track of the
time in between contractions when suddenly we both heard a loud thud and
realized that Lincoln had fallen out of bed. Rick left to take care of him and
then returned shortly after.
A bit after 2 a.m., I made
Rick get my mom, wishfully thinking it would just be another hour or two and
then this baby would be here. I hoped all along that the labor wouldn’t be a
long one but I didn’t know what to expect with this one. I thought I was
further along trying to compare the intensity of the contractions, but that
wasn’t the case. I leaned on the giant Love Sac we have in our living room and
lay my head down in between contractions. I was so tired ALREADY! It had been a
long day and had I not taken a four hour nap earlier in the day, I probably
would’ve died--not literally, but I was worn out and realizing some things I
should have done differently. Why did I go for a walk earlier? What was I
thinking when I decided to go on a cleaning spree of the entire upstairs?!...I
quickly put these thoughts aside and worked through the next contraction. My
body was shaking which made me think that my body was working through
transition, but I never knew how far dilated I was. That’s something I would do
differently next time. My mom was there
gently rubbing my back while Rick prepped and put together the necessary things
for the tub. Having my mom there was comfort enough to make the pain go away
just a bit.
The hours dragged on. My mom,
mother-in-law Liz, sisters, Shantelle and Jayna, midwife and her apprentice
were all there and waiting through the night with me. We had the tub filled and
I had gotten in and out of it a couple of times through the gruesome waiting
hours, many of which were just a daze to me. The contractions were so intense
for such a long period of time; I was falling asleep in between contractions
around the seventh or eighth hour… I was so exhausted. I felt my focus slipping
and I…. had hit a wall. I looked up at my mom and Shantelle who had been by my
side the entire time and I said, “I need to know where I’m at, why isn’t this
baby coming yet?”
Soon after, my midwife
thought it was a good idea for all of my family to step out of the room for a
moment. So after my family had left and it was just Rick and I, He gave me a
much needed pep talk. He told me that he was told that I could do this. He knew
I could. I knew what he meant having received the same confirmation that
morning as I prayed fervently for strength and peace.
My midwife came in the room
and asked me if it would help to know where I was – “Yes!”, I said, “I need to
know”…. She then felt and said “Shay, the baby’s head is right there. Put your fingers up there and feel for
yourself.”
I felt the baby’s head-she
had hair! …That was motivation for me to hang in there but my energy was sapped.
My midwife then decided it would be a good idea to do some pushing. I pushed
and pushed to try to bring the baby’s head down. I wanted to get back in the
tub at this point but never wanted Rick to leave my side so he got in with me.
He was my Rock through all of it. I could not have done it without him. He was
my cheerleader, my swim partner, my hand hold, my back pusher and in the end,
the only thing keeping me afloat, literally.
The lack of sleep, energy and
feeling completely exhausted was hard enough as I pushed with everything I had.
I looked down at my belly; I felt my body working, all of my energy, every
muscle working together to bring this baby into the world. I held a hand to my
stomach through these last contractions as if to cradle and help this sweet
baby get here. Several times did I whisper to my Heavenly Father to help me
through the next and the next-He was my constant companion.
I could feel which pushes
made more progress than others. I knew what my body was doing and that was a
good feeling. When the baby’s head started to crown I said, “Oh, it burns”, but
I was able to keep myself under control. It was with the next push that half of
the head was there and I just about jumped out of the tub. Rick was facing me.
He had been holding me up during squats and pushes and this push sent me into
flight mode. They say it’s either fight or flight. Yep, I was flight. I wanted
to run away from the pain and crawling up Rick’s arms was the way to do that.
Little did I know that the moment I would start to come up out of the water,
I’d be saying to Rick, put me back, put me back!! I heard Rick and my midwife
talking to me, but none of what they said. I pulled every urge to run back into
myself and forced myself to focus-I had to tell myself, relax, calm down, you
can do this, wait it out. I paused and held myself in pain. It seemed as though
everyone and everything around me, was not there for a moment-Just me;
enduring, waiting until the next contraction. The next big push brought the baby’s head out.
There was a moment of relief
when her head was there but also a lot of squirming on her part which was just
kind of annoying. It was taking longer for the next contraction to arrive. In
fact, it felt like forever, when in reality it was just a few minutes, but
still a few too many for comfort, so my midwife told me to turn over on all
fours and she said, you’re going to need to push hard, pull your bum in and
curl up to give a good push. The moment I turned over, a contraction came and I
pushed harder than ever. I did just as she told me, curling my body up into
itself and with every last ounce of energy, I pushed. My face was so close to
the water that my nose was touching it and my thoughts were, “Here we go! Were
going under, so hold your breath!…. Just then, a feeling of relief as my baby
Penny came out. I went limp but somehow managed to flip back over and was
leaning against Rick’s chest in seconds.
Rick’s hands still grasped hold of me and with one arm he scooped Penny
up out of the water and onto my chest. My baby was here! In a single precious
moment, she was finally in my arms.
Mentally, emotionally,
physically, and spiritually-It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my
life and the most rewarding. I hold my Penny in my arms and everything is right
in the world. She has brought a special spirit with her and has blessed our
home and family with a love all its own.
I received several blessings
throughout this pregnancy, some during difficult times such as illness and
physical inabilities, others during times of anxiety or emotional turmoil.
Through all, I read back on the blessings given and for every blessing, the
Lord saw fit to bless me with the strength needed to pass through the courses
of that wine press. I feel the trying times of my pregnancy were preparing me
for the exhausting, difficult labor I was to endure in order to bring this
sweet spirit into the world. In all of it, I had the example of the Lord and
His atoning sacrifice, to relate to, and grow from. I am grateful for this and
for all that have expressed their love and supported me and my family through
all of it.
